Quotes.

Rope-Pusher · Post by **Rope-Pusher** » Sun Dec 13, 2009 4:00 am

Quality - up yours!

Rope-Pusher · Post by **Rope-Pusher** » Sun Dec 13, 2009 4:01 am

The future ain't what it used to be.
Yogi Berra

(I'm beginning to think that Steven Wright is YB's illegitimate son)

Rope-Pusher · Post by **Rope-Pusher** » Sun Dec 13, 2009 4:03 am

You should always go to other people's funerals, otherwise, they won't come to yours.
Yogi Berra

Rope-Pusher · Post by **Rope-Pusher** » Sun Dec 13, 2009 4:09 am

If the world was perfect, it wouldn't be.
Yogi Berra

Rope-Pusher · Post by **Rope-Pusher** » Sun Dec 13, 2009 4:09 am

Even Napoleon had his Watergate.
Yogi Berra

Rope-Pusher · Post by **Rope-Pusher** » Sun Dec 13, 2009 4:14 am

An onion can make people cry but there's never been a vegetable that can make people laugh.
WR

Rope-Pusher · Post by **Rope-Pusher** » Sun Dec 13, 2009 4:16 am

If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out?
WR

Rope-Pusher · Post by **Rope-Pusher** » Sun Dec 13, 2009 4:20 am

Don't gamble; take all your savings and buy some good stock and hold it till it goes up, then sell it. If it don't go up, don't buy it.
WR

Leedeth · Post by **Leedeth** » Sun Dec 13, 2009 6:29 am

You deserve this.

Draklen · Post by **Draklen** » Wed Dec 16, 2009 11:02 pm

A Friend on Facebook wrote:Whatever you give a woman, she will make greater. If you give her sperm, she'll give you a baby. If you give her a house, she'll give you a home. If you give her groceries, she'll give you a meal. If you give her a smile, she'll give you her heart. She multiplies and enlarges what is given to her. So, if you give her any crap, be ready to receive a ton of shit.

Warner · Post by **Warner** » Wed Dec 16, 2009 11:05 pm

Draklen wrote:
A Friend on Facebook wrote:Whatever you give a woman, she will make greater. If you give her sperm, she'll give you a baby. If you give her a house, she'll give you a home. If you give her groceries, she'll give you a meal. If you give her a smile, she'll give you her heart. She multiplies and enlarges what is given to her. So, if you give her any crap, be ready to receive a ton of shit.

I was expecting a penis joke of some kind.

watkins · Post by **watkins** » Wed Dec 16, 2009 11:43 pm

Knock knock
Whos there?
Penis.
Penis who?
Penis joke are funny!

94Corolla5Speed · Post by **94Corolla5Speed** » Thu Dec 17, 2009 12:47 am

Draklen wrote:
A Friend on Facebook wrote:If you give her a smile, she'll give you her heart.

If only it were that easy

the dumblonde · Post by **the dumblonde** » Thu Dec 17, 2009 4:32 am

paul34 wrote:If you're George Clooney it is.

Ah Clooney. Sigh.

mtheis · Post by **mtheis** » Thu Dec 17, 2009 8:53 am

Life at work is like a tree full of monkeys, all on different limbs at different levels. Some are climbing up, some down. The monkeys on top look down and see a bunch of smiling faces, the monkeys on the bottom look up and see nothing but assholes.

Why is it that all of the instruments seeking intelligent life in the universe are pointed away from Earth?

The three most dangerous things are a programmer with a soldering iron, a manager who codes, and a user who gets ideas.

The sticker said Windows XP or better - so I installed Linux

Ubuntu - an ancient african word, meaning "I can't configure Debian"

Apple - it's like buying a car with the hood welded shut.

If you play a Microsoft CD backwards you can hear demonic voices. The scary part is that if you play it forwards it installs Windows.

StandardShift.com

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