***Official Joke Thread***
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- Master Standardshifter
- Posts: 11607
- Joined: Mon Mar 16, 2009 3:44 pm
- Cars: '08 Jeep Liberty
- Location: Greater Detroit Area
Re: ***Official Joke Thread***
Renault and Ford have joined forces to create the perfect small car for women.
Mixing the Renault 'Clio' and the Ford 'Taurus' they have designed the 'Clitaurus'.
It comes in pink, and the average male car thief won't be able to find it - let alone
turn it on - even if someone tells him where it is and how to do it.
Rumor has it though, that it leaks transmission fluid once a month, and can be a
real bitch to start in the morning! Some have reported that on cold winter mornings,
when you really need it, you can't get it to turn over.
New models are initially fun to own, but very costly to maintain, and horribly expensive
to get rid of. Used models may initially appear to have curb appeal and a low price, but
eventually have an increased appetite for fuel, and the curb weight typically increases
with age. Manufacturers are baffled as to how the size of the trunk increases, but say
that the paint may just make it LOOK bigger.
This model is not expected to reach collector status. Most owners find it is best to
lease one, and replace it each year.
Mixing the Renault 'Clio' and the Ford 'Taurus' they have designed the 'Clitaurus'.
It comes in pink, and the average male car thief won't be able to find it - let alone
turn it on - even if someone tells him where it is and how to do it.
Rumor has it though, that it leaks transmission fluid once a month, and can be a
real bitch to start in the morning! Some have reported that on cold winter mornings,
when you really need it, you can't get it to turn over.
New models are initially fun to own, but very costly to maintain, and horribly expensive
to get rid of. Used models may initially appear to have curb appeal and a low price, but
eventually have an increased appetite for fuel, and the curb weight typically increases
with age. Manufacturers are baffled as to how the size of the trunk increases, but say
that the paint may just make it LOOK bigger.
This model is not expected to reach collector status. Most owners find it is best to
lease one, and replace it each year.
'08 Jeep Liberty 6-Speed MT - "Last of the Mohicans"
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- Master Standardshifter
- Posts: 9380
- Joined: Wed Nov 15, 2006 10:57 pm
- Cars: 1986 Mazda RX-7 x2
- Location: Sterling Heights, Michigan
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Re: ***Official Joke Thread***
How did the hipster burn his mouth?
He ate his dinner before it was cool.
He ate his dinner before it was cool.
1986 Mazda RX-7 sport - slowly returning to the Earth
1986 Mazda RX-7 base - Project car, ???, In pieces, turbo parts around.
1986 Mazda RX-7 base - Project car, ???, In pieces, turbo parts around.
- theholycow
- Master Standardshifter
- Posts: 16021
- Joined: Tue Jun 24, 2008 1:36 pm
- Cars: '80 Buick LeSabre 4.1 5MT
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- Contact:
Re: ***Official Joke Thread***
1980 Buick LeSabre 4.1L 5MT
Put your car in your sig!
Learn to launch/FAQs/lugging/misused terms: meta-sig
Put your car in your sig!
Learn to launch/FAQs/lugging/misused terms: meta-sig
watkins wrote:Humans have rear-biased AWD. Cows have 4WD
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- Master Standardshifter
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- Joined: Sun Jul 01, 2007 12:42 am
- Cars: '08 Saab 9-5 Aero wagon
- Location: Salem, MA
Re: ***Official Joke Thread***
A man was lying in bed with his new girlfriend.
After making love she spent the next hour just rubbing his testicles -- something she obviously loved to do...
As he was enjoying it, he turned and asked her, ‘Why do you love doing that?’
‘Because’, she replied, ‘I miss mine.’
After making love she spent the next hour just rubbing his testicles -- something she obviously loved to do...
As he was enjoying it, he turned and asked her, ‘Why do you love doing that?’
‘Because’, she replied, ‘I miss mine.’
- 4onthefloor
- Master Standardshifter
- Posts: 1360
- Joined: Fri Feb 15, 2008 10:21 pm
- Cars: '17 WRX, '07 Impreza
- Location: London, ON for now
Re: ***Official Joke Thread***
^ Do you speak from experience?
Two pedals, two feet, too easy.
Car: 2007 Impreza 2.5i Special Edition
http://www.standardshift.com/forum/view ... 32&t=13230
Car: 2007 Impreza 2.5i Special Edition
http://www.standardshift.com/forum/view ... 32&t=13230
- AHTOXA
- Master Standardshifter
- Posts: 14693
- Joined: Sun Dec 23, 2007 6:31 pm
- Cars: '19 4RUNNER TRD ORP
- Location: Irving, TX
Re: ***Official Joke Thread***
Yeah, I bet he had a ball.
'19 Toyota 4Runner TRD ORP
'12 Suzuki V-Strom 650
'12 Suzuki V-Strom 650
- theholycow
- Master Standardshifter
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- Joined: Tue Jun 24, 2008 1:36 pm
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- Contact:
Re: ***Official Joke Thread***
A trucker who had driven his fully loaded rig to the top of a steep hill was just starting down the equally steep other side when he noticed a man and a woman lying in the center road, making love.
He blew his airhorn several times as he was bearing down on them. Realizing that they were not about to get out of his way he slammed on his brakes and stopped just inches from them.
Getting out of the cab, madder than hell, the trucker walked to the front of the cab and looked down at the two, still in the road, and yelled, "What the hell's the matter with you two? Didn't you hear me blowing the horn? You could've been killed!"
The man on the highway, obviously satisfied and not too concerned, looked up and said, "Look, I was coming, she was coming, and you were coming. You were the only one with brakes."
He blew his airhorn several times as he was bearing down on them. Realizing that they were not about to get out of his way he slammed on his brakes and stopped just inches from them.
Getting out of the cab, madder than hell, the trucker walked to the front of the cab and looked down at the two, still in the road, and yelled, "What the hell's the matter with you two? Didn't you hear me blowing the horn? You could've been killed!"
The man on the highway, obviously satisfied and not too concerned, looked up and said, "Look, I was coming, she was coming, and you were coming. You were the only one with brakes."
1980 Buick LeSabre 4.1L 5MT
Put your car in your sig!
Learn to launch/FAQs/lugging/misused terms: meta-sig
Put your car in your sig!
Learn to launch/FAQs/lugging/misused terms: meta-sig
watkins wrote:Humans have rear-biased AWD. Cows have 4WD
Re: ***Official Joke Thread***
'15 Mazda 3 iSport Hatch 6MT
'11 Ford Fiesta Hatchback SE 5MT
'14 Giant Escape City 24MT
'97 Honda Civic EX 4AT - Retired @ 184,001 mi
For Pony!
'11 Ford Fiesta Hatchback SE 5MT
'14 Giant Escape City 24MT
'97 Honda Civic EX 4AT - Retired @ 184,001 mi
For Pony!
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- Master Standardshifter
- Posts: 11607
- Joined: Mon Mar 16, 2009 3:44 pm
- Cars: '08 Jeep Liberty
- Location: Greater Detroit Area
Re: ***Official Joke Thread***
Three cowboys were seated around the campfire out on the lonesome sagebrush prairie and with the pride for which these men were famous; it was a night of bravado, a night of tall tales.
Tom, from Wyoming says, "I must be the strongest, meanest, toughest cowboy there is. Why, just the other day, a bull got loose in the corral. It had gored six men before I wrestled it to the ground by the horns with my bare hands and castrated that sucker with my teeth."
Ben, from Idaho , who never could stand to be outdone said... "That's nothing, I was walking down the trail yesterday and a 15 foot diamondback rattler slid out from under a rock and made a move for me. I grabbed that bastard with my bare hands, bit off its head and sucked the poison down in one gulp and didn't even get a belly ache."
Old Platte River Frank the cowboy from Texas remained silent, slowly stirring the campfire coals with his pecker.
Tom, from Wyoming says, "I must be the strongest, meanest, toughest cowboy there is. Why, just the other day, a bull got loose in the corral. It had gored six men before I wrestled it to the ground by the horns with my bare hands and castrated that sucker with my teeth."
Ben, from Idaho , who never could stand to be outdone said... "That's nothing, I was walking down the trail yesterday and a 15 foot diamondback rattler slid out from under a rock and made a move for me. I grabbed that bastard with my bare hands, bit off its head and sucked the poison down in one gulp and didn't even get a belly ache."
Old Platte River Frank the cowboy from Texas remained silent, slowly stirring the campfire coals with his pecker.
'08 Jeep Liberty 6-Speed MT - "Last of the Mohicans"
- theholycow
- Master Standardshifter
- Posts: 16021
- Joined: Tue Jun 24, 2008 1:36 pm
- Cars: '80 Buick LeSabre 4.1 5MT
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Re: ***Official Joke Thread***
From http://www.safebraking.com/humor-funny- ... lure-joke/
A mechanic, a manager, and a computer programmer are riding in a car. They come to a hill and their brakes fail. After careening down the hill and finally coming to a stop they get out to decide what to do. The manager says “We need to have a meeting to form a committee to see what we should do next!” The mechanic says, “Screw that! Give me a pocket knife and some duck tape and I’ll have us going in no time!” The programmer looks at them both and says, “Lets push it back to the top and see if it does it again.”
A mechanic, a manager, and a computer programmer are riding in a car. They come to a hill and their brakes fail. After careening down the hill and finally coming to a stop they get out to decide what to do. The manager says “We need to have a meeting to form a committee to see what we should do next!” The mechanic says, “Screw that! Give me a pocket knife and some duck tape and I’ll have us going in no time!” The programmer looks at them both and says, “Lets push it back to the top and see if it does it again.”
1980 Buick LeSabre 4.1L 5MT
Put your car in your sig!
Learn to launch/FAQs/lugging/misused terms: meta-sig
Put your car in your sig!
Learn to launch/FAQs/lugging/misused terms: meta-sig
watkins wrote:Humans have rear-biased AWD. Cows have 4WD
- bk7794
- Master Standardshifter
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- Joined: Tue Jul 05, 2011 3:16 am
- Cars: 00 Civic (Stock)
- Location: Central CT
Re: ***Official Joke Thread***
Not sure if this is in here.
One night, a police officer was stalking out a particularly
rowdy bar for possible violations of the driving-under-the-
influence laws. At closing time, he saw a fellow stumble out
of the bar, trip on the curb, and try his keys on five
different cars before he found his. Then, sat in the front
seat fumbling around with his keys for several minutes. Everyone
left the bar and drove off. Finally, he started his engine and
began to pull away.
The police officer was waiting for him. He stopped the driver,
read him his rights and administered the Breathalyzer test. The
results showed a reading of 0.0. The puzzled officer demanded
to know how that could be. The driver replied, "Tonight, I'm
the Designated Decoy.
2004 Honda Accord 2.4 5 Speed
1989 Ford Taurus SHO 5 speed
1989 Ford Taurus SHO 5 speed
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- Master Standardshifter
- Posts: 9380
- Joined: Wed Nov 15, 2006 10:57 pm
- Cars: 1986 Mazda RX-7 x2
- Location: Sterling Heights, Michigan
- Contact:
Re: ***Official Joke Thread***
An angry man bursts into a bar waving a handgun and shouts, "Which one of you bastards has been sleeping with my wife?!" A voice from the back of the bar calls out, "I don't think you brought enough ammunition."
1986 Mazda RX-7 sport - slowly returning to the Earth
1986 Mazda RX-7 base - Project car, ???, In pieces, turbo parts around.
1986 Mazda RX-7 base - Project car, ???, In pieces, turbo parts around.
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- Master Standardshifter
- Posts: 11607
- Joined: Mon Mar 16, 2009 3:44 pm
- Cars: '08 Jeep Liberty
- Location: Greater Detroit Area
Re: ***Official Joke Thread***
The police came to my front door last night holding a picture of my wife and asked, "Is this your wife, sir?”
Shocked, I answered, "Yes it is."
They said, "I'm afraid it looks like she's been hit by a bus.”
I said, "I know, but she has a lovely personality and she's good with the kids."
Shocked, I answered, "Yes it is."
They said, "I'm afraid it looks like she's been hit by a bus.”
I said, "I know, but she has a lovely personality and she's good with the kids."
'08 Jeep Liberty 6-Speed MT - "Last of the Mohicans"
Re: ***Official Joke Thread***
At least you're a caring husband, RP. You could have asked if the bus improved her appearance.Rope-Pusher wrote:The police came to my front door last night holding a picture of my wife and asked, "Is this your wife, sir?”
Shocked, I answered, "Yes it is."
They said, "I'm afraid it looks like she's been hit by a bus.”
I said, "I know, but she has a lovely personality and she's good with the kids."
'15 Mazda 3 iSport Hatch 6MT
'11 Ford Fiesta Hatchback SE 5MT
'14 Giant Escape City 24MT
'97 Honda Civic EX 4AT - Retired @ 184,001 mi
For Pony!
'11 Ford Fiesta Hatchback SE 5MT
'14 Giant Escape City 24MT
'97 Honda Civic EX 4AT - Retired @ 184,001 mi
For Pony!
-
- Master Standardshifter
- Posts: 11607
- Joined: Mon Mar 16, 2009 3:44 pm
- Cars: '08 Jeep Liberty
- Location: Greater Detroit Area
Re: ***Official Joke Thread***
This was linked in my mind to "Looks like she was hit by a bus". I couldn't find the original episode where Yakov first appeared before the court.
'08 Jeep Liberty 6-Speed MT - "Last of the Mohicans"